November 19, 2008
October 28, 2008
Durian, the “King of the Fruits”
Durian is an epic fruit. Folklore, pop culture references, and superstitions surround this fruit. Legends of its taste, smell, and appearance flow through Hong Kong. Yet, these rumors and stories are riddled with contradiction. “Oh, it’s delicious…” one will say, while another quickly quips, “Um, it smells and tastes like shit.” Even the wikipedia entry reports such variance, even stating that “Anthony Bourdain, while a lover of durian, relates his encounter with the fruit as thus: ‘Its taste can only be described as…indescribable, something you will either love or despise. …Your breath will smell as if you’d been French-kissing your dead grandmother.’”
The one thing you can be sure about with this fruit, though, is that I’m going to try it.
It was the worst experience of my life. I can eat almost anything. Durian taught me a lesson like a dog getting shocked from chewing electrical wires. When I bought the fruit, it came wrapped in cellophane but this was not enough to hold back the awesome odor of the royal fruit. My body, instinctively, went into anxiety mode – a sure sign I was about to do something stupid. Friends complained about the odor. I tied the bag shut, but the smell was still seeping through. A smell that resembled something between dirty dishwater that has sat for days, a dirty diaper found in a dumpster, and a banana that has over ripened. When I opened the package, my nostrils instinctively forced air out. The first bite was ok; the creamy consistency was bearable. It traveled down to my stomach with relative ease. The second bite gave me the full glory of Durian, creamy consistency, a full whiff of odor, and a punch to the stomach. It was like eating a diaper from a dumpster, mixed with days old banana, with a tiny hint of onion. What a treat!
As the creamy fruit sat in my mouth, the odor filled my lungs and nostrils, and my tongue began to scream, my only thought was, ‘Just swallow.’ At this moment, my body mutinied. It had tried to warn me at the store, it had tolerated a bite, and now, it was done. As I tried to swallow, my throat rejected the fruit, forcing my entire body into a dry heave. That delicious goodness ended up flying out of my mouth and onto the ground. Thankfully, the first bite of durian stayed in my stomach – thankful because if it tastes that bad going down, I can’t imagine it coming back up. The friends who had taken their first bites (emboldened by my first) had already begun to spit out their adventure.
I looked at the remaining bits of fruit and recognized my defeat – tossing the ‘king’ into the trash. My fingers reeked of the stench.I woke up the next morning and my hands still smelled of the horrific fruit. As I showered, the smell filled my lungs. I swear it took a week to get rid of it.
The sickest part is I think I would try it again. A part of me is curious: Did I just get a bad piece of fruit? Was this one overripe? Would it be better if I tried again? Even at typing those questions, my stomach churned. Durian, I think, has bested me.
